For those of you who lost sleep this weekend worrying about the condition of the world's cutest Scottish wallet:
Shortly after writing that tragic post, the call indeed came. It went something like this:
CEO of Trash: Is this Sarah?
Me: Yes it is!
CoT: Are you in the library?
Me: No but I can be in 30 seconds.
CoT: Meet me in my office.
I reached his office in a jiffy lube, all ready to do me some dumpster diving! Sadly, he informed me that I need to sign a waiver to legally throw myself into a giant garbage receptacle and that he doesn't have one of those coveted waivers on hand. NOOOO!
All of a sudden a glowing halo formed around his head and he sprouted a set of angel wings! This God-sent being was offering to dumpster dive FOR ME! I couldn't believe it. Sometimes I forget that really good people actually exist in this world. So this served as a solid reminder.
God-send pulled on a pair of heavy duty gloves that looked like they had been do Dante's inferno and back. "Follow me," he said.
I followed him down...down...down...to the underground lair of BYU waste. Just imagine the Phantom's swampy digs beneath the Garnier Opera House. I feel like this place possibly could have served as inspiration for Gaston Leroux's novel...srsly. On the journey to the underworld, our conversation went like so:
CoT: So, let me get this straight. You threw away your wallet?
Me: Hilarious, right?.....heh.......heh........?
CoT: I will sort through the trash and as the bag gets full I'll need you to tie it up and give me a new one. I don't know why, but the garbage smells like fish today. It might get a little dirty.
Me: It's ok, I've done lots of dirty things in my life.
I regretted that last comment immediately. He just kind of gave me a quizzical look. Like when you're scolding a puppy and he cocks his head to one side, all innocent-like.
Long story short, after 35 minutes or so of the gnarliest trash-digging I've never participated in, the wallet was found! 'Twas a miracle of miracles, as Motel from Fiddler on the Roof would say. Oh man, I just had the BIGGEST urge to listen to that soundtrack. Done.
PS: I realize this post is lacking a cartoon but I can't be bothered right now. I have homework to do and Fiddler on the Roof to listen to. Thank you for understanding.