10 October 2011

Unfortunate Tragedy #42 Follow-Up

For those of you who lost sleep this weekend worrying about the condition of the world's cutest Scottish wallet:



Shortly after writing that tragic post, the call indeed came.  It went something like this:

CEO of Trash:  Is this Sarah?
Me:  Yes it is!
CoT:  Are you in the library?
Me:  No but I can be in 30 seconds.
CoT:  Meet me in my office.
Me:  Pronto.

I reached his office in a jiffy lube, all ready to do me some dumpster diving!  Sadly, he informed me that I need to sign a waiver to legally throw myself into a giant garbage receptacle and that he doesn't have one of those coveted waivers on hand.  NOOOO!

All of a sudden a glowing halo formed around his head and he sprouted a set of angel wings!  This God-sent being was offering to dumpster dive FOR ME!  I couldn't believe it.  Sometimes I forget that really good people actually exist in this world.  So this served as a solid reminder.    

God-send pulled on a pair of heavy duty gloves that looked like they had been do Dante's inferno and back.  "Follow me," he said.

I followed him down...down...down...to the underground lair of BYU waste.  Just imagine the Phantom's swampy digs beneath the Garnier Opera House.  I feel like this place possibly could have served as inspiration for Gaston Leroux's novel...srsly.  On the journey to the underworld, our conversation went like so:

CoT:  So, let me get this straight.  You threw away your wallet?
Me:  Hilarious, right?.....heh.......heh........?
CoT:  I will sort through the trash and as the bag gets full I'll need you to tie it up and give me a new one.  I don't know why, but the garbage smells like fish today.  It might get a little dirty.
Me:  It's ok, I've done lots of dirty things in my life.

I regretted that last comment immediately.  He just kind of gave me a quizzical look.  Like when you're scolding a puppy and he cocks his head to one side, all innocent-like.

Long story short, after 35 minutes or so of the gnarliest trash-digging I've never participated in, the wallet was found!  'Twas a miracle of miracles, as Motel from Fiddler on the Roof would say.  Oh man, I just had the BIGGEST urge to listen to that soundtrack.  Done.

Goodnight, folks.
PS:  I realize this post is lacking a cartoon but I can't be bothered right now.  I have homework to do and Fiddler on the Roof to listen to.  Thank you for understanding.

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