I write to you, humble readers, from the depths of the Jesse Knight Building on BYU campus, where the girl next to me is practicing Spanish 101 by reading her textbook out loud (keyword: loud). Evidently oblivious that the only sound in this whole hall is coming from her own mouth. "Yes! We're conjugating today!" she just cried enthusiastically. To herself. Or, perhaps she is speaking to me? Should I respond? Is this a conversation I should be participating in? She might think I'm rude if I don't say anything.
I am wracking my brain for random Spanish phrases that I've picked up throughout the course of my life. Mariposa (elementary school in my hometown). Gato Negro (a beer...). Permanezca sentado, por favor (Disneyland). I think the last one should do the job.