23 August 2012

My Racist Dog

Anyone who has met Beau knows that he is the most darling dog on the face of the planet. Often energetic to the point of psychotic.  So playful that he thinks anyone who comes over to the house is there solely to toss around his slimy dog spit ball.  He's an avid runner and champion fetcher, being half Rhodesian Ridgeback and half Golden Retriever. And the loviest, doviest, cuddliest pooch who has mastered the many facial expressions of a puppy who gets what he wants. He will love you until his dying day.  Truly man's best friend.

Unless you're Mexican.

Somewhere between being adopted as a 6-week-old pup and being raised by an adoring yet disciplining family who loves all races, ethnicities, languages, and religions under Heaven, Beau developed a sincere distaste for non-white folk. I say non-white, but I mainly refer to Mexicans, as I have never in my life seen a black person in Forest Falls, California. I don't know where we went wrong with this dog, but, unchecked, he will be the next leader of the KKKK (for Kanines...heh...heh. Bad joke?).  I claim no responsibility for his actions, but I do claim all the embarrassment as he chases after and jumps on anyone who looks like they might be a Rodriguez, Martinez, or Hernandez.

His racism goes beyond human bounds. He also hates Mexican dogs. Our neighbors to the back have a Chihuahua who Beau detests above all creatures. A stroke of compassion is the only thing that prevented him from eating the worthless brute (that Chihuahua really is the most obnoxious dog I have ever met) when he had him cornered once in our backyard.

My parents disagree with my Racist Dog Theory. My dad's rebuttal was that he chased after some lady speaking French one time.

Case in point.

Beau is not just racist. He's xenophobic.

What do I do with this beast???  Look at this face!! How can I say no??


  1. This post was really funny... and your dog is gigantic.